Alcohol from 15 wasn’t enough. I had tried a few drugs while on active duty but was too focused and worried about testing, so I stuck to alcohol. Ironically I was discharged due to alcohol. Luckily they have me an honorable exit from service, allowing me to retire medically. Regrettably, I am never allowed to join US forces again. This is what I did to my life with alcohol. On November 27, 2017, I left the army in Destin, Florida, where I had finished my Time as a Ranger instructor. The problem with this area was cocaine! It was everywhere. I had started finding fun with it and others about six months before I had gotten out, so up until June 2021; I had been doing drugs constantly. It’s hard admitting you have a problem with people and family that thinks so highly of you and your accomplishments. My focus was deficit! The goal was to hide the bad and only do it when I couldn’t resist it. Then hope it just fades away and I turn into the good man I know I can be—the last two years were the worst and best for me. I found a once-in-a-lifetime woman that endured more of my pain than anyone. She would pray with me in the mornings to start my day. The hardest was when I’d been up all night doing drugs and seeing that voice message. Snorting coke alone and crying bc I felt so guilty. It’s insane how I couldn’t just ask for help. This abuse made me angry and unhappy I cheated and was emotionally unfaithful and inevitably became a lost cause. Losing her forced me to give everything to God. To finally humble myself and believe in a power greater than myself. I needed that rock bottom to truly search and feel the awful pain I had put them through. It gave me hope that with God, I could rid myself of these horrible character defects. I owe the Lord everything I’m finally seeing now.