My name is Kristen and I battled with addiction to alcohol and Xanax for years. I suffered in silence while trying to make everything look perfect on the outside. I drank wine to escape my reality and calm my nerves. I was suffering from anxiety and PTSD, and at the time I thought alcohol was the cure to all my problems. Once this didn’t seem to be enough, I went to the doctor and got prescribed Xanax. I thought I had found a magic solution. Little did I know, I would soon be going down a dark path and becoming an entirely different person.
I was a functioning addict. I would take Xanax during the day, get everything that I needed to get done, and then drink a bottle of wine or more most nights. If I felt sick in the morning, I would throw up, take a Xanax, and go about my day. I tried to make myself and everything appear perfect on the outside while keeping this secret. The more I kept taking Xanax, the more and more my body became dependent on it. I felt hopeless, depressed, and all I wanted was the next pill. I would run out of my prescription and go through horrible withdrawal. I soon found out I was erasing my memory and that if I kept taking Xanax the way that I was, I wouldn’t be able to remember simple things like my address in 10 years. That still didn’t stop me. It got to a place where it was very dangerous and I am lucky to be alive.
Then in January 2021, I hit my rock bottom. My friends and family started to not recognize me anymore and my behavior was reckless and out of character. I went to an addiction treatment center in Florida and did their detox and residential program for 28 days. Unfortunately, this didn’t stick and a week after I got back I filled my Xanax prescription and was drinking again. After this, things got the darkest they’ve ever been. I then went to a peer-based recovery organization and lived in a recovery house for 30 days with other women going through similar experiences. The staff, program, and people I met there saved my life and I haven’t picked up a substance since. Now that I’m sober, I am able to do everything I’ve always dreamed of. I can be the best daughter, big sister, and girlfriend possible.